the wonders of the human brain.

It's after one in the morning and I'm still wide awake. Wondering. Wondering about anything and everything. About my future, about what it is that I'm meant to do in life, about what I'm supposed to be, about when the next chapter of my life will begin. Wondering if life should just be one continuous journey not meant to be broken down into chapters. Wondering if it's normal to even wonder as much as I do. I mean, honestly, why is it that my mind never shuts off? Isn't there a pause button somewhere in there? There has to be! 

The truth is, I've tried to quiet my brain. I've tried yoga. Many times! And when I'm there - in the moment - all I think about is how much I absolutely cannot stand it. My mind actually races uncontrollably about the thought of being in a downward dog position. It's painful! My body was not meant to maintain that position and so that's what my mind focuses on. Instead of finding peace and tranquility, my mind is freaking out! Before I know it, I'm wondering where the rest of the day will take me and how I'm going to strategically attack my never ending to-do list.  And then I start thinking about how hungry I am and what I'm going to indulge in after I'm done torturing myself.  It really is quite ridiculous. 

I've tried meditation - a proven, tested method for the ultimate sense of relaxation! Mega fail. Meditation has the completely opposite affect on me. 

Taking a hot shower? Going for a long run? Going to church? Drinking a glass of wine? Forget it. All supreme mega failures. I love all of these things (except for yoga, I really, truly do not like it, as much as I tried to convince myself that I would have this incredible innate passion for it). 

So, as I sit here and type, hoping that my eyes will start to tire so I can crawl into my bed and drift into a deep state of slumber, I realize that maybe it's okay for my mind to wonder. Maybe it's not meant to just shut off. Maybe that's what keeps people thriving. What keeps people curious...motivated...inspired. Maybe it's the driving force behind my seemingly never ending quest of self-discovery and passion for life. Who knows, maybe I'm completely wrong and there is a way for me to turn off that switch in my brain that keeps me up at night, but I'll let you wonder about that.

good night.

dear diary.

Okay, it's true...my ability to be loyal to a blog is looking pretty dismal. I had high hopes that blogging would force me to be loyal in an over the top kind of way, where I'd share all of my stories, thoughts, and ideas with the world. However, given my track record with the million and one diaries I kept as a child, I knew I'd be writing my famous "dear diary, I am SO sorry for not writing sooner...I have so much to tell you!" line sooner rather than later.

Without further ado..."Dear unwoven.blogspot, I am SO sorry for not writing sooner...I have so much to tell you."...

As you read this (*if* you read this), please keep in mind that the purpose of my blogging is to force me to write.  So if you aren't interested in the luna lovegood type of stories and thoughts my brain produces, please move on. Trust me, you won't hurt my feelings. 

Tis the season of giving...With all the giving going on, someone must be receiving...and that's where I come in. I mean this in the most unselfish way possible. I received my first gift a couple of weeks ago while at work. I was at my desk, listening to a volunteer, checking my work e-mail and writing down an important message for my boss, when the phone rang for the hundredth time. Seeing that no one was interested in answering, I impatiently grabbed the phone, plastered a smile on my face and answered the phone...only to hear a nurse on the other end. Before I go any farther, I'd like to express that I am incredibly grateful for all of the nurses in this world; however, and it's a big however, there are some people who just don't belong in that profession. I know that may sound harsh, but it's true. And if you've worked as non-nurse in a hospital, you'd agree. So Miss "I'm a nurse and I'm too busy to do anything" starts barking orders to me (I'm sorry, when did you become my superior??) and demands that I send a volunteer to her floor because she needs a favor (last time I checked, if I needed a favor, I asked nicely). Before I go any further, I'd like to point out that I do not have a room full of volunteers, despite what some nurses may think. With that being said, I didn't have a volunteer "on call" to tend to the charming nurses request, so I figured I'd help her out myself (nevermind all of the things I had to do). I arrived at the nurses station, slightly agitated, and the nurse says "oh you don't have a wheelchair??! I need you to bring down a patient's husband!" Who knew I could read people's minds?! I bit my tongue, smiled, and said very sweetly, "i'm sorry, let me go get one." At this point, I am completely annoyed at Miss Thing for thinking I have nothing else in the world to do, but cater to her every need. Flippantly, I walk away and retrieve a wheelchair and wait for further instructions. The nurse then points me to a room across the hall and asks me to escort a patient's husband to the main lobby where his assisted living car service will pick him up (I'm normally not a negative person, but seriously, don't we employ a whole transport department?!). As I push the wheelchair over to the patient's room, my fake smile quickly dissolves and a completely genuine, straight from my toes, smile takes over my face, as I witness a modern day wonder. In the patient room, I watch a seemingly frail little old lady, dressed in a faded hospital gown reach over to kiss her husband goodbye...this wasn't a peck on the cheek, nor was it a full on makeout session. Instead it was a kiss that embodied *so* much more. It was a kiss that represented a type of passion, hardship, faith, and trust that can only be shared by two people in love. After they kissed, they squeezed each other tight and the equally frail husband whispered, "I love you, sweetheart. I'll see you, soon." As I wheeled him away from the love of his life, I cheerfully asked him how long they have been married. He gently replied, "72 years." I'm hardly ever at a loss of words, but I can honestly say I was then. I quickly recovered and went on to ask what their secret was...As he happily chatted away, I closed my eyes and silently thanked the nurse who asked me to help this gentleman. Call me a hopeless romantic, but a love like that doesn't come around every day.

give thanks.

While washing my face this morning, my soapy fingers ran over two tiny bumps on my chin - undoubtedly the beginning of two zits. Without hesitating, I looked up into the mirror, splashing soap and water all over the place - making my typical bird bath situation a million times worse - and examined my chin. Instant panic set in - my one second nightmare became reality as I realized that two zits were about to take over my chin. Really?! Right before Thanksgiving!? (I know I can be dramatic, but it literally went down like that).

Thirty minutes later, I'm driving to work, and find myself checking to see how the "situation" on my face was doing. (as if my face was going to explode any second). Again, I find myself saying, "damn! why me!?"

Sixty minutes later, I'm being sent home from work for the third day in a row, because my horrible cold is contagious and my boss doesn't want any of our volunteers to get my germs (rightfully so, I suppose). 

On my way out of the hospital, I stopped by to talk to a friend of mine, who is going through a particularly tough time. While we were casually chatting, she started to tear up. Without going into details, I think it's suffice to say that I'd never wish the cards she has been to dealt to anyone - not even my worst enemy, if I had one. As we changed the mood of the conversation to something more positive, I realized how ridiculous I was being this morning. Did I seriously have the nerve to get agitated about my barely there acne? Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I've had this self-realization. I am constantly being reminded that my complaints are pretty pathetic. Does this mean that I'm not going to complain? Let's be real...probably  not. However, I think I need to start giving thanks for what I do have, rather than bitch and moan about things that aren't going my way. I have SO much to be thankful for - a sister, who is one of my best friends; loving, supportive parents, who would do anything for me; an awesome brother and two pseudo brothers; a brand new sister-in-law; a best friend, who has been here for me for over 12 years; a pseudo paki sister (and her fam) who I love to death; an amazing boyfriend that I am extremely blessed to have; a cousin, who has been like my sister since I was two; a fun and secure job with awesome co-workers; two adorable pups; and SO much more (including some things of the materialistic variety!). So this Thanksgiving, rather than dwell on ridiculous things, I'm giving thanks.

PS. Thank you to a very special friend, who has had a tremendous impact on my family's life - whether she knows it or not.

hello.

How I expect to write a blog when I'm already having writer's block is beyond me...but that's beside the point. It's the year 2010 and I'm only joining the blogging bandwagon now. I've always written in journals, but never had an inclination to air my laundry - clean or dirty - in public via the internet.  I'm a very outgoing person, who admittedly loves attention and seldom cares about what other people think, but do I really want my "dear diary" entries to be seen by anyone and everyone who has access to the infamous world wide web? Hardly.

Ironically, I love reading other people's blogs - even if I'm not friends with the "blogger." There are many times while I'm reading a blog and I think to myself, "why the hell am I reading this blog?! I don't even like this person! Not to mention the fact that I have about ten million other things I could, or more likely, need to be doing!" The truth is, regardless of whether I like the person or not, I love reading. I often find blogs to be quite interesting and entertaining, and maybe, just maybe, educational. Moreover, I love to write. So of course, being the obsessive analytical person that I am, I ask myself, if other people are so quick to "air their laundry in public," why have I shied away from it for so long? Especially when blogging will actually force me to be a better writer.

So here I am, sitting on my couch, watching Monday Night Football (after Dancing with the Stars, of course), with my box of Puffs Plus with Lotion next to me ready to nurse my swollen nose upon my next sneeze (I've been blessed with a horrendous cold), talking to one of my best friends via gchat, and attempting to start a blog that I will hopefully be loyal to. 

This is my life. unwoven.

ps. Happy Birthday, Mikey!